Lauren’s Law: Kindergarten Dropout

It was more than 30 years ago, but I remember kindergarten orientation like it was yesterday.

It was a dreary evening when my mom pulled her car into Benfield Elementary School’s parking lot. Kindergarten orientation. No thanks, I’ll pass.

It was decided. I would be a kindergarten dropout. My education would conclude with a degree from the Severna Park United Methodist Church Nursery School, or as most people lovingly call it, Snoopy School.

My mom was unfazed. By the third kid, she had even talked a bus driver into adding a stop outside our house so I could be on their route.

Of course, I wasn’t a dropout. The promise of chocolate milk and snacks sealed the deal for me.

With my oldest daughter starting kindergarten at my alma mater last month, it had me thinking of my own memories. I’m blown away by one major takeaway.

Kindergarten sure has changed.

From half day to full day, that’s not even the most exhausting part. School begins at 8:00am now. There’s no longer time for “Arthur” reruns in PJs and a leisurely breakfast.

Milk and cookies have expanded to a healthy snack and lunch. But there’s more.

Kindergarteners now bring their own water bottles. I don’t think I had a sip of water during my first year as a Bulldog. The old-school water fountains were either too tall or probably had chewing gum in less-than-ideal places. I think we can all agree, hydration has become a much bigger priority since the ‘90s.

Benfield Elementary School feels familiar, yet new, with technological advancements becoming a big part of the modernized school. Even kindergarteners have their own personal Chromebooks. I’m praying daily that my child keeps this laptop in one piece. Currently, it’s hidden in our home office for supervised use. For anyone wondering, my laptop as a kid was a Carmen Sandiego-inspired toy.

With technological advancements also come improved communications. My stomach plummeted and my mind started racing when the school nurse called on my daughter’s first day — just a minor nosebleed from nothing controversial. My daughter headed back to class in a good mood.

I envisioned what my dad would say if he received a call from the school nurse about a nosebleed for his youngest daughter. “Rub some dirt on it!” came to mind.

Despite the many changes, one thing has remained true of kindergarteners. They’ll do almost anything for the promise of chocolate milk and snacks.

Now on the parenting side, I’ve never been more grateful for that sacred fact.

Lauren Burke Meyer is a Severna Park native who was inspired to write Lauren’s Law as a humorous play on the well-known Murphy’s Law adage: “anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”